More and more I’m drawn to the word ‘peace’.
I’m not big on New Years resolutions but I try to pick a word, a mantra, for a new year to summon up some power. Try to magic some good energy for the year ahead. Remind myself that things can change in an instant – respect and honour the good times because they won’t last and work through the bad times because they will also end – to trust in all the colours life brings.
And this year, I’m centred on peace.
Last year was a trash fire in so many ways but towards the end it felt like my mind had undertaken a revolution, softly softly. Things felt quieter, I felt quieter – and I felt so much stronger for it. I could hear myself better than I ever had before, hear others who I loved more clearly. It felt – still feels – wonderful.
And I want to protect that feeling for as long as I can.
In that quiet is strength and creativity without losing my breath and feeling like I’m about to fracture into a million pieces if one more idea is suggested.
In that quiet is peace.
And so this year I want peace.
This year already has its challenges. It has its lingering ghosts and shadows.
Every year does.
The difference is in me this time.
I feel more certain that the path ahead of me is absolutely where I should be, even if it still has rocks and wobbles.
I feel more certain of my whole even with my dents and scars.
I feel more certain, with no question or doubt, that I can be afraid of things and still work them out. And that sometimes I can even make the fears disappear. Sometimes I can make them beautiful.
And that feels exciting.
Peace is a comfort zone from which I can do the uncomfortable things.
Peace is where I can sometimes just be comfortable and breathe.
Because things shouldn’t be difficult all the time. They shouldn’t exhaust you and make the world around you lost its colour.
Sometimes things can just be sitting in the sunshine with a small cat snoring on your lap, with nothing at all planned for a little while longer.
And I’m OK waiting for the sunshine…